I almost feel as though I should reintroduce myself, I’ve been away from blogging for so long. I’m sorry to have dropped off without warning, but I knew I’d change my mind if I delayed. I knew because I’d dismissed the idea a hundred times before instead of just taking the time away I knew my soul was craving, afraid I’d lose followers, get behind, or horror of horrors, be quiet enough to sense I should give blogging up completely. But none of that really happened. Blogging is this funny self-imposed thing that I had begun to feel enslaved to, and with that enslavement creative, transparent writing had become impossible. I was up to my eyeballs in food photography and deadlines which acted like a trash compactor, shoving the words that were fighting their way out down further and further until I couldn’t really even tell what it was that I felt or wanted to say anymore.
So I spontaneously took a semi-blogging sabbatical. I say semi because I was still working on food photography and deadlines for other blogs, but the work was lighter because I wasn’t fighting against the weight of the work, trying to force words out that could not be found.
I took time to learn things, visit relatives that just moved a mere hour from Baltimore, take Aletheia to the children’s museum, organize, work on our little urban garden, exercise, read, listen to podcasts, and photograph for the sheer pleasure of it. And the more I soaked in, the more I realized how dry and empty I had become. Once I put down the microscope of analysis and stepped back to look at the big picture, I realized how much I had been neglecting self-care. Not the showering and eating kind of care, but the soul-enriching kind, the kind that is necessary for holistic health.
I was a mess of fear, discontent, and anger. Anxiety was very real and health-wise I was falling apart. One night as I sat at the computer after another frustrating day of parenting and health struggles, I caught site of some warm orange highlights tugging on my hand. I traced their path to the window and realized the sky was a fiery haze of post-stormy clouds and sunset. But I told myself I wasn’t talented enough to take that picture, that I wasn’t feeling well enough, that I was too emotionally unstable to walk out of the house. “What if I bust into tears in front of a complete stranger?” I think my husband must have seen how hesitant I was so he assisted by nudging me out the door with my camera. More often that not, God uses his Word to instruct and calm the heart, but I’ve found his creation has a healing power of its own. As soon as I stepped out into the unusual evening light, I felt secure, alive, and filled.
I took picture after picture until someone tried to get me to hand over my camera so I could “teach” them how to use it. Having lived in Baltimore for a year now, I wasn’t falling for that trick, and for the sake of maintaining possession of my camera and photos I headed home. But even back inside I sat in the windows, absorbing every healing ray I could.
I’m grateful for the time away, but I’m excited to be back. After working the tangles out of my thoughts, I’m eager to begin stringing them out into organized sentences and blog posts! Some things I’d love to write about are (1) living with migraines, (2) teaching our kids about sex, (3) reconciliation in marriage, (4) Baltimore and missional living, (5) the meaning of true success, (6) being a student’s wife, (7) being a blog contributor, (8) living an organized life, and (9) self-care. It would mean so much and be extremely helpful if you shared your input on what you’d like to read about! I always appreciate a nudge in the right direction.
Lastly, thank you for your encouragement and support over the last couple months. Not once have I felt cast off or forgotten even though I wasn’t blogging on a regular basis. You guys are wonderful friends! Thank you so much! It’s so good to be back!